Sexual Attraction - Addiction or Intimacy? | drillkey

Megan asked the following concerns in 1 of our telephone sessions: More than and more than, when Im truly attracted to a man and I sleep with him relatively early in the connection, I discover that he is not excellent husband material. What am I doing wrong? Am I just attracted to the wrong type of males?

This is a frequent query from my single women clients.

Megan, numerous males know how to project sexual energy in a way that arouses women. These men define their worth by their sexuality and by their capacity to attract woman. They know just how to sexually ignite a woman ? its an energy that they are putting out that goes proper into your genitals and tends to make you consider that a thing true and crucial is taking place. But they are operating from a sexual addiction rather than from caring or intimacy.

So what really should I be performing when I really feel that potent sexual attraction?

You need to have to be telling oneself that this feeling doesnt imply something that its just an energy that is becoming projected onto you but has absolutely nothing to do with love, intimacy, caring, or marriage. True, extended-lasting relationships take time to evolve. If you feel sexual upon 1st meeting an individual, there is a good possibility that this man just wants a sexual encounter with you rather than an actual connection with you. My suggestion to you is to not have sex early in a connection, even if you are extremely attracted.

Effectively, when do you have sex?

When you feel emotionally intimate. When you trust every other and genuinely care about each and every other individuals wellbeing. When you know that the feelings are not just sexual, and that the sexuality is coming from the emotional intimacy rather than from a sexual addiction. Why not wait till there is a commitment to the connection and to learning and developing with every single other? How typically have you slept with a man that you were really attracted to and then had the partnership not perform out?

Much more frequently than Im willing to admit. This is what keeps taking place. So are you saying that I must also go out with men that Im not instantly attracted to?

Yes, if you like them. Often, sexual attraction grows as you truly get to know a particular person. A lot of of my customers with the very best relationships are men and women who were not instantly attracted to each and every other. The attraction grew as they fell in adore with each other. Others, who were attracted immediately, lost their attraction as they got to know the person.

Several guys can have sex and then just move on without any inner turmoil. However a lot of girls feel connected to a man when they have sex with him and then feel awful when the relationship doesnt operate out. It is unloving to oneself to sleep with a man early in the connection and then run the danger of being dumped because all he wanted was sex.

Yet another factor is that sex without emotional intimacy is frequently disappointing for both people. When you have sex too early in a connection, it could not be emotionally or physically satisfying. When sex is not an expression of adore, it frequently feels empty, and then the guy may well decide that you are not the proper person for him since there were no fireworks. However if you had waited for love to develop, it might have been fantastic. You really have absolutely nothing to lose by waiting.

But, replied Megan, I usually feel that a man wont like me if I dont have sex with him.

Properly, if you doesnt like you for not obtaining sex with him, what does this tell you about him?

I guess it tells me that he is not great husband material.

Proper! So you have absolutely nothing to shed by not having sex right away.

Okay, I see that now. I see that what Ive been carrying out is in no way going to lead to marriage. Im going to put sex on the back burner and pay far more consideration to caring and intimacy.

Megan entirely changed her pattern with males and within a year she was engaged to be married.

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Source: http://drillkey.com/sexual-attraction-addiction-or-intimacy/

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